Five or six weeks ago, Bo and I both acknowledged that we needed to get ourselves out of a funk. We were living together, under the same roof, but not connecting in the way we normally do. I was busy with work and Bo was stressed out over his job search. We found ourselves living in autopilot mode, rarely taking time to invest time in each other or our friends and family.
Bo sat me down on the couch and presented me with a Business Insider article which then kicked off an hour long conversation. Since then, we’ve made a few small changes to help each other and those around us play more important roles in our lives. These changes have left us happier and more content going into the holiday season.
For the past three weeks, we’ve just picked up the phone. Sure, we love the ease and simplicity of texting, resulting in quick responses from friends and family. But, this article and a few others we’ve read lately, reminded us that texting doesn’t make us feel as engaged or connected to the person as talking on the phone or FaceTiming. Therefore, we’ve made an effort each week to work our way through our group of friends and family. We’re still trying to perfect the time zone difficulty, especially for those living on the West Coast, but this week alone we’ve spoken with both our siblings, both sets of parents, one aunt, and two friends. I’ve also started picking up the phone during my commute home each night. I used to be embarrassed to use the phone on the trams as it isn’t something the Swiss tend to do. But, I’d rather hear my mom’s voice and strengthen our relationship than worry about what the person next to me thinks.
In our own home, each night when I get home, we make a point to sit down on the couch together or spend a few minutes in the kitchen area with our glass of wine and talk about the day. It provides a perfect time to vent about the lows and celebrate the highs whether that is a big thing or a small, daily win. This time, which is sometimes five minutes, or like last night almost 30 minutes, has really helped us become better engaged as a support system. It helps us remember that we each need support during this time and that we are going through very different obstacles each day. This morning, Bo quietly wished me luck at the doctor, something he wouldn’t have even remembered or known about a few weeks ago. Knowing that we are each more in touch with the other’s life has strengthened our relationship and brought us together in the best way possible.
Instead of doing things separately, we’ve tried to make more of an effort to do them together. Typically, Bo will cook in the evening while I blog. I’ve made an effort to blog early in the morning so in the evenings I can get back in the kitchen with Bo, practicing skills and enjoying the time together. Now that he has a clean bill of health after his ACL surgery, Bo has started running with me 2-3 times per week. The 30 to 40 minutes we enjoy together, without the distraction of social media or other people, has provided time for some great conversations, travel planning and day dreaming. It’s a time that we have together that no one else can interrupt or hear. Sunday’s Instagram post perfectly portrays my emotions around this change!
Last but not least, we’ve made an effort to have more quality time with our friends. This Summer we found ourselves only seeing our friends in group, social situations or at bars. This made quality conversations virtually impossible. Over the past month we’ve enjoyed two double dates, one large Thanksgiving and a quiet festive evening at home with friends. The amount this more quality interaction has progressed our friendships is hard to believe. There are a few friends who we’ve known for over a year but just this month had time to enjoy long conversations together.
I hope you find even just one small change that you can make in your life through this post. It’s a bit more personal than the average post, but last night when trying to fall asleep, the post idea came to me so I had to share it with you all first thing this morning!
Hey Ashley! I loved this post! It’s really great reminder to all of us that we need to give and take more time to our loved ones in the middle of our busy lives! So thank you for writing this! I think I need to incorporate some (or all) of these ways to our life too. Have a great Wednesday!
Thank you Karoliina for the kind words! I am so glad you like it!
Oh I LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS TOO.
you both are so much more insightful than I was at your age(s) as well.
Love this — my BF and I have had similar conversations lately about needing to really make time to connect instead of just the mundane day to day.
Thanks for a beautiful post this morning. It’s easy to feel separated and unconnected from friends and family when life gets busy or there is distance between us. Always worthwhile to take time to slow down, reconnect and make the first move in reconnecting. Guess I better call a friend now 🙂
My husband just asked me the other day if I considered sitting on the couch watching TV “spending time together.” Then we discussed what quality time meant to us. We’re going through a rough spot as he too is on the job hunt right now. Really enjoyed reading your thoughts, as always! HEART
I 100% agree that quality conversation never happens in a bar. I overwhelmingly prefer to have people over to my house, or go over to theirs.
You know your emo, therapy-loving friend loves this post.
Although I disagree about quality conversations happening in a bar 🙂
Aww thanks emo friend 🙂 We’re allowed to disagree about bar conversations – most of them result in far less than quiet conversations!
I LOVE this post and you’ve definitely inspired me to incorporate some of these habits into my life….I hate that texting has just about replaced calling my loved ones.
I’m glad you and Bo are in a happier place!
Sometimes a text is better than nothing which I am very guilty of! Friends tend to get in touch with me first rather than me taking the initiative. Not quite as good as your intentions but I’ve just picked up my phone and fired off texts to two friends who are feeling a bit poorly.
You’re right text is better than nothing but it doesn’t replace talking! Good job getting in touch with friends!
I really appreciate you sharing your insight. My husband and I recently moved across the country and with most of our family still on the east coast, it’s been a learning curve to maintain close, healthy relationships with them. Your post really hit home and is a great reminder to actively engage and connect with those who matter in my life. Thanks for the thoughtful post!
Thanks Heather! It’s tough but once you start making phone calls you’ll realize it’s worth it!
I think it’s also good to eat dinner at the table without the tv on to distract you. Then you can talk and properly enjoy your food.
Really enjoy reading your blog. I’ve recently moved to Switzerland, although in Zurich, but getting some ideas from you of weekends away!
Welcome to Switzerland Hannah! How do you like Zurich? Let me know if you have any questions or need help!
Thank you! Yes, we love it so far (it’s only been 3 weeks). It’s such a pretty country. I will ask a question if you don’t mind! Have you done the Geneva half marathon? Would you recommend it? I’m looking for some good half marathons nearby. Geneva would be perfect to combine running with a weekend in a different city!
I definitely agree with all of these things! I’m showing that article to my husband tonight.
For our Christmas gifts this year, we are taking a trip together. And we already decided that anything additional has to be a gift for us to use together. I got him some Star Wars Cookie Cutters to make cookies on Christmas Day 🙂
Aww I’m so glad the article resonated with you! That sounds like a great gift! We have Star Wars cookie cutters!
Great post! its easy to get into bad habits and a great reminder…
Thanks Carol! Yes, it’s all too easy to get into bad habits!
I love this. it’s a good reminder to check in and think about how we are doing these things and if they are actually making us happy
Thanks Nicole!!