Tips for Returning to Work After Maternity Leave

It’s hard to believe that I have been a “working mom” for over a year and half. The journey has evolved a lot since my first day back. Even though I have a number of working mom role models in my life, including my mom and many of my closest friends, I wasn’t prepared for the anxiety that I experienced.  I remember wondering how I could go from spending all day with Katie to “only” having 3 hours per day with her Monday through Friday. I thought that Katie would forget about me and fall in love with her nanny. I worried that within months of returning to work I would realize I didn’t want to have a career.  Luckily, these feelings only lasted a few weeks before I found my groove and realized the value and impact that I can have by playing both roles – mother and career woman. However, looking back, there are many things that I did in advance of going back to work that helped with the transition but, overall, there are a few things I wish I had done differently.

This picture was taken after my first day back at work. I remember holding her closely and telling her that from this day on the evening hours from 5:30-7pm would be our precious time together. Guess what? These 90 minutes of park laughs and bath time splashes are still the moments I treasure with Katie daily. 

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Being a working mom is not for the faint of heart, but it is also an opportunity that I’m so grateful to have. I am able to role model for Katie that a strong, driven, passionate career woman can also be a loving, thoughtful and nurturing mother. It isn’t easy traveling to Arkansas, San Francisco, Cincinnati or China but constant communication and clear expectations with both my work team as well as Bo, has allowed our family and me to thrive. During my first year back at work I traveled an average of two days every other month and now it’s closer to three days per month. While I would always prefer to be with Katie and Bo, I have come to make priority calls on travel in order to ensure that it is worthwhile and make the most of the travel experiences both personally and professionally.

I said yes to the incredible opportunity to travel to China but said no to staying longer and touring the country. 

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Last week, when texting with my friend who is going back to work next week, I remembered the anxiety and overwhelming feelings that I experienced when I was in her shoes. In hopes to calm her nerves, I shared a few of my tips with her and then promised that I’d ask my followers for their tips as well.

Spoiler alert – Katie still loves me and has thrived in her nanny share situation. While she has a great nanny whom she loves and talks about, it hasn’t kept her from running towards me each night when I pick her up. 

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Here are a few things that I share with friends and co-workers who are returning to work after becoming a parent.

  • Feel confident in your child care choice and then, once it is established, have your child start at least a week in advance of when you return to work. Katie only started 1-2 days early and I wished I’d had more time to run errands, relax and prepare.
  • Don’t spend a lot of money on your work wardrobe if your body is still evolving, but make sure you invest in a few pieces to give you confidence in your body NOW. Buy a few key pieces that you can feel confident in and then, invest in a few more pieces each month as your body changes. I bought 2 dresses, 2 blouses, 2 pairs of pants and some fun accessories from LOFT and Jcrew Factory before returning to work.  A great, new hair cut  and updated skin care routine or makeup can also help you feel your best.
  • Realize that it will take a village – you can’t nor should you try to do it all. Have a two way conversation with your significant other or support system talking about how you’ll manage different scenarios (train delays, illness, work travel, client dinners, etc).
  • Ask co-workers for tips. I firmly believe that some of the best advice can come from co-workers who work in your same office as they are aware of the workplace culture, insurance complexities, benefits, etc.
  • Read the book The Fifth Trimester and prepare to take notes, nod your head, highlight sections and want to find someone to talk about the topics with immediately. It was a GAME CHANGER and so helpful!
  • If you travel for work, talk with your partner or care giver about how you want to stay in touch with your child while traveling. For me, I loved watching Katie sleep and play in her nursery on our NEST camera and then also Facetiming with she and Bo in the morning right when she woke up. However, when grandparents were helping, I didn’t put technology pressure on them and instead asked for a few pictures via text each day. If Katie was with our nanny while I traveled then I asked her to send pictures throughout the day.
  • If you travel for work, set boundaries. It’s okay to go back to your room early and enjoying your first night of interrupted sleep. Nourish your body or mind by taking some time for you in between meetings by exercising, reading or doing whatever gives you energy.
  • Set expectations with your team if at all possible. For example, when I returned to work, I shared with my manager that I would be fully connected and available from 8:30 AM until 5:30 PM but from 7-8:30 AM and 5:30-7 PM I would be 100% disconnected and invested in my family. After 18 months back at work, I still stick with this schedule and have only once needed to flex and have a meeting during this time due to an urgent client need. Overall, everyone fully supported my “family time.”  Most days I work at least 30 minutes before Katie wakes up and at least 30 minutes in the evening after she goes to sleep, but I have come to really value our morning and evening routine as a family.
  • Figure out our plan and expectations as a couple for weeknight dinners.  The routine that has worked well for us is cooking a large meal on Sunday night that will provide leftovers for Monday night. Then we also food prep for Tuesday night dinner which will have leftovers on Wednesday. Most Thursday nights we either defrost something from the freezer, make a large dinner salad using ingredients in our fridge, or pick something up to grill such as turkey burgers and vegetables.

Now that I’ve shared my tips, I wanted to share the very helpful recommendations that followers shared after seeing my Instagram question last Friday. Thank you so much for taking the time to provide feedback as I learned a few new things from you guys and have made note of some that I’ll make sure to share with friends and apply in the future should Bo and I have a second child.

What is the one thing you wish you’d known or done when returning to work after baby?

  • @mollylauf: I wish I had read the Fifth Trimester earlier before returning to work. I wish I had started the nanny one week earlier so I could practice the morning routine a few times and had a few days to myself to catch up on appointments. I wish I had listened to more podcasts and read more stories of women in similar roles. I wish I had joined Chairman Mom sooner.
  • @bentfish2: Make sure you are 100% comfortable with the child care you have set up and then trust and know that your child will be OK and will likely thrive. Also, enjoy the ability to eat lunch in peace and maybe even get to the gym/workout. After work, put the phone away and just BE with your child and family.
  • @cmorey19: I wish I wasn’t so focused on pumping and getting the exact right ounces to leave for my son. We were already supplementing with formula so why did I put so much pressure on myself?
  • @stephgerbers: Don’t apologize for needing time to pump or needing a break. Don’t apologize for being tired or overwhelmed.
  • @emrcarl: Frozen meals and UberEats are a life saver. Don’t pressure yourself to cook every night.
  • @swissclarko: One thing I did and was very glad of was I progressively did the child car handover including a full day before I went back to work. I was able to go to the spa and ran errands but this helped with the transition so the first day at work was easier.
  • @drteplinsky: Make sure your child care is flexible at end of day in case you are running late. Pump in the car if you can.
  • @kfeldhouse: Don’t jump back in full time for the first few weeks. Do a gradual transition back. Maybe half days the first week, then add a few more hours the second week, then if you’re feeling ready go back full time in week 3.
  • @heatherdyetimm: Start back with partial weeks.
  • @carly.zhang: The biggest advice I would suggest is taking a lot of time and going with your instict to select the best childcare you feel good about. What I know in hindsight is that working mom life is a great one. I felt fulfilled by work and happier. When I was with my child, I spent more quality time with him.
  • @jhro216: I wish I’d felt more okay taking a day off work but still sending my son to daycare. In those early months when I was learning to balance everything, taking a weekday for myself to grocery shop, clean and decompress would have been amazing. I didn’t get into that habit until he was 1.
  • @susie22salcetti: Plan ahead as much as you can in the evenings to minimize the scramble to get out the door in the morning.
  • @atthewood: Start daycare/nanny a week early so you have time to get used to it and be productive before you go back to work.
  • @takingback20s: Give yourself time to get back in the groove and don’t worry about a think but yourself and your baby. Working out, healthy eating and top job performance can wait those first few weeks while you adjust. I think a lot of people expect to just pick up where they left off and that’s nearly impossible if you’re sleep deprived.
  • @aglasser710: Give yourself some race. I went back expecting work life to be just like it was before baby. It’s not – you’re different and sometimes you need to cut yourself some slack. Take care of yourself and give yourself a break sometimes. You’ll be a much better employee and mom because of it.
  • @stephdooley814: Dry shampoo. But in all reality, just know it will get better each day even if it doesn’t seem like it.
  • @mca_ali: I wish I’d known that my daughter would be okay and thrive going to daycare and that I would be a better mom having a little space.
  • @kbalantekin: Don’t have super high expectations for how much you’ll get done especially if you’re pumping.
  • @bananniemcg: I wish I had set more boundaries. My team were great and so flexible but I felt pressure to be super flexible too and working extra hours/evenings just did not work well with having a baby and nursing.
  • @lbiz12: Read the book the Fifth Trimester and do a few dry runs of daycare/nanny in advance.
  • @emilymstroup: I wish I would’ve started my daughter at daycare a few days before going back to work instead of the same day. I had so much anxiety about how she would do (she did fine) but starting her on the same day gave me anxiety.
  • @merwharton: I wish I had taken more time off. I am also glad I made weekends a priority with my family and eased back into my work schedule.
  • @ccdrew417: Ease in the first week. Try to go back on a Wednesday or work reduced hours if possible.
  • @duddes02: Get an extra pump and leave it at work.
  • @emjelosa: Know it is going to be hard, no matter what. Read the Fifth Trimester. Don’t hide or be ashamed if you’re pumping. Really think through and plan your routine and organize your pumping parts and milk. If hiring a nanny, have them start a few days in advance. Have snacks at work to keep your milk supply up in case you can’t go out to grab snacks. Drink lots of water. Get the Elvie pump as it’s super helpful. Know your baby will not forget about you. Keep telling yourself that you are setting a good example of a powerful, independent women for your baby.  Don’t feel guilty if you get busy and don’t think about your baby every minute of the day. Weekends are sacred. Quality time with your baby over quantity. Bring pictures to work so you don’t have to pull your phone out while working.
  • @brittney_ac: Don’t stress about sleep/naps at daycare/nanny as they will figure it out.
  • @caseshan21: I was surprised that some people didn’t ask about my baby and they have kids.
  • @gretchenfox: Don’t rush back in too fast and burn out.
  • @melissakate_hanson: Set expectations with partner and boss for handling the inevitable sick days.
  • @laurfischer: Make your first day back towards the end of the week to ease your way back into work.
  • @erindanielson715: Your level of efficiency at work post baby will be better than ever before.
  • @shoshanadavis: It’s okay to feel not okay. It one of the hardest things to do.
  • @megking25: I wish I’d known that I’d change my mind about going back to work and that would be okay.
  • @vtbuker: I wish I’d known to manage my own expectations.
  • @skrmaine: Figure out a meal prep system to avoid takeout/unhealthy choices at the end of the day when you’re tired.
  • @ellebelleruns: Ask for a modified schedule or part time.
  • @chloebirchlerrd: Do a dry-run day care day or two and go do something for YOU. As a working mom, I feel guilty leaving my babe more than a work hours but, use the time if you need it.
  • @dawnerswife: There is no rush. Enjoy the baby phase and delay going back or work part time if possible.

What tips would you add to this list?

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Thursday Thoughts

Happy Thursday. It’s been a while since I shared some random thoughts with you all, but today seems like a perfect opportunity.  I’m currently squeezed between two people on a cross country flight from San Francisco to New York City. I’ve spent the last five hours knocking things off my work to-do list and catching up on emails, but now it’s time to relax and catch up with you all.

  • Today we received the pictures from our holiday photo shoot and I am so thrilled with how they turned out. In the moment, the photo shoot was pure chaos. We drove to Brooklyn Heights for the photo shoot and then couldn’t find parking when we reached the location. It was really windy so within seconds my hair turned into a hot mess and we instantly regretted not getting Katie a haircut before the shoot. But, when I saw the final images, I smiled because they are real. They capture our love for Katie and each other as well as her personality and energy. Her traditional, smocked jumper highlights our Southern roots and the smiles on each of our faces embody the love that we have for our family of three and this chapter of life.
  • At least once a day, someone sends me a message on Instagram asking when I’ll return to a regular blogging schedule. The answer is, I have no clue if or when I’ll return to a regular blogging schedule. During any season of life, there are only so many things that someone can balance. Right now, it is taking all of my energy and more to focus on being the best mother, wife, employee, daughter, sister and friend possible. I will continue to share my life with you all via the blog and social media as I have time. I have drastically reduced the number of sponsored partnerships I accept as I want the interaction to be organic versus forced.
  • I’ve been traveling for business 10 of the past 14 days. This is not the new normal, instead it is a combination of taking advantage of an incredible opportunity to go to China and year-end-planning with the customer. While it hasn’t been ideal, I’m so appreciative of the village who has made it all possible as well as being blessed with smooth flights to both San Francisco and China. Moving forward, I’m hoping to stick with my goal of traveling an average of 2-3 nights per month. I know I have to be flexible and realize that due to schedules, sometimes that will mean I travel five days in a month but none the next.
  • As you all know, I’ve made the switch to a more natural beauty routine over the past two years but this week, I purchased Chanel foundation for the first time and was pleasantly surprised and impressed. When I walked into the bathroom at JFK to apply makeup before my cross country flight, I realized that I left my favorite Beautycounter foundation at home. Since I knew that my sleep deprived skin couldn’t go without foundation, I quickly dashed into a duty free shop. The woman who helped me immediately recommended a few different hydrating foundations before we landed on Chanel Vitalumiere. I’ve never worn Chanel makeup before but was so impressed with the way it blended with ease, provided full coverage without looking cakey and truly left my face looking more hydrated and fresher.
  • While Bo and I have tremendous help and support from our families, I have a strong desire to create a deeper bond and community with neighborhood friends. I’ve read a few different times about the fact that our generation is living in more isolation for a number of reasons. While social media keeps us more connected than ever before, I yearn to create a deeper connection with those people who live right around the corner or that play at the same parks and are also struggling to find community in the chaos of New York.  Tomorrow night Bo and I are hosting a small dinner party for two neighborhood couples we’ve become close with over the past year. It’s actually the first time we’re hanging out without the children! In addition, I’ve started to create a wonderful bond with the women in the Brooklyn Moms running group. Most weeks I run with them once or twice, spending the forty-five minutes laughing about our children’s recent antics, venting about life or brainstorming recipes. If you’ve created bonds with some of your neighborhood friends, I’d love any ideas.
  • While I haven’t stood on a scale recently, I’ve gone down a size in the past few months. Most of my clothing from last year is now at least one to two sizes too large which has been frustrating but also a great feeling. The other day I took advantage of Jcrew’s 50% off sale and ordered a few new pants, dresses and tops. While I considered altering my clothes from last year, I realize that there is a good chance I’ll need them again in a few years if and when Bo and I are able to have a second child.  I find it humorous that right now, when I’ve focused on my weight the least, it has fallen off without effort. I believe there are a few reasons why I’m suddenly a few pounds lighter and leaner than I was months ago – happiness, an active toddler and moderation. Many days, I eat breakfast standing up while also feeding Katie breakfast and getting us out the door. On weekends, we eat our meals together and most meals I’m too busy focusing on Katie to focus on my own food. Last Saturday Bo and I laughed when we realized that I had half my meal left on my plate since I’d spent most of the meal talking with him and entertaining/feeding Katie. Even though I am busier than ever, I am truly happy. I absolutely love my job and a year into it, I feel like I’m finally finding my groove. In regards to moderation, I’m working out when I can but I’m focusing on drinking plenty of water and eating whole foods whenever possible.
  • Somehow, Christmas is in 12 days. Am I the only one who is in shock when reading that fact? Part of me is extremely excited as we fly home to Savannah next Saturday. The other part of me is stressed out about the fact that I have so much work to do between now and then and I still have a few very important people to find the perfect Christmas gift for before we open presents. Some years, our time in Savannah hasn’t been as relaxing as we’ve hoped and a lot of that has been due to me. I have a history of adding unnecessary stress by trying to micromanage and control everything. This year, I’m really trying to mitigate stress. First and foremost, Bo and I had a long conversation about how we’d like to relax during this vacation. We both have different things we enjoy  doing so we’re going to do our best to allow each other the time to do that. In addition, since Bo has been father of the year recently due to my travel schedule, I’m hoping he’ll take time to enjoy some workouts or solo time to relax. We have no plans for our time home other than a combined Christmas Eve celebration with Bo’s parents and my family. Other than that, I’m really just hoping to enjoy quality time with family. This is our first trip home in a while that doesn’t have a lot associated with it – there isn’t family coming from out of town and there isn’t a wedding or other large family event.
  • I finally realize what people said about toddlers. Katie turns 18-months old next week and she is definitely in the full-blown toddler tornado stage. Keeping up with her is exhausting but I love every second of the craziness. She seems so grown up recently – dashing down the sidewalk unassisted, making her opinion known, sitting in her chair “reading” and blowing kisses. I’m so excited to continue experiencing these milestones and progressions with her.
  • Speaking of Katie, many people have asked us about a second child. Many of the moms who I was on maternity leave with have recently announced their second pregnancies. It is no secret that Bo and I are not ready. We’ve always hoped that we could have three to four years between our first and second child. My brother and I are three years apart and Bo and his sister are six years apart. We both have heard about the many benefits of the spread from our parents and have always wanted to be able to fully enjoy and embrace this time with our first child before adding to the craziness. While I look forward to meeting our friends’ new additions, right now we just aren’t ready, and that’s okay!

 

 

 

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Gift Guide for Runners

My second gift guide of the season is for anyone who is a runner themselves or has a runner on their shopping list this holiday season.  This list includes a mix of my favorite running gear, that I’ve relied on for years, as well as a few new items I’ve recently discovered. Hopefully these items will make it harder to make excuses due to stress or bad weather. This list includes 10 perfect items for any runner on your list, or even yourself. I did my best to include items across all price points whether you need an small item for someone in your running club or are looking to spend more on your favorite runner.

  • Gift Certificate for a Sports Massage – Last year, my mother-in-law gave me a gift certificate to a local spa and I loved indulging in a sports massage. Even if it isn’t within your budget to gift them a full massage, a gift card can allow you to give money towards a treatment of their choice.
  • Grid Foam Roller – This little guy is the perfect foam roller for everyone. It’s cheaper than others, is small enough to bring on trips but still gets all the knots. Everyone, regardless their fitness or running level, can benefit from foam rolling!
  • GOODR Sunglasses – These lightweight sunglasses will protect your favorite runner’s eyes as well as prevent wrinkles from squinting.  These $25 sunglasses are fun, polarized and stay in place during even the longest of runs!
  • Brooks Cascadia Thermal Vest – While I have so many favorite pieces of running gear from Brooks, this vest is perfect this time of year as it can be a top-layer or can easily have a wind-breaker or waterproof shell thrown on top. The quilting keeps my core warm while the pockets make it easy to carry things with me on the run. If you’re looking for other items, this is a great running jacket for anyone who runs in the dark and these gloves will keep hands coldy during the cold-weather months.
  • Run Fast, Cook Fast, Eat Slow cookbook – This cookbook provides more than delicious recipes, perfect for runners. It also includes inspiration and running tips from a pro. I’ve loved every recipe I’ve tried, especially her muffins, soups and side dishes!
  • Sarah Marie Designs – There are so many great items in this shop, including my favorite mug and the coziest sweatshirt. In fact, anytime I share a picture of either of them on social media, I get so many comments asking where I found them! The fun gear says everything so many of us are thinking such as “Kinda wanna go for a run. Kinda wanna stay in bed.” or “Run all the miles drink all the wine.”
  • Erica Sara Designs – Celebrate their love of running with a custom necklace, ring, cufflinks or key chain. Erica’s pieces are beautiful and a special way to commemorate a race PR or their favorite race. I’ve given her necklaces, key rings and cuff links as gifts historically and they are beautifully packaged and wonderful quality.
  • Amphipod Water Bottle – I’ve used this water bottle for five years and still love it! It’s lightweight size and easy-to-hold shape makes it an easy way to enjoy water during runs and providing a spot to keep subway card, keys and more!
  • Running Socks – I don’t know a runner who wouldn’t enjoy a few fresh pairs of running socks. I’ve tried a number of different brands over the years and seem to come back to Bombas or Thorlos.

 

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